I figured I would follow up on my last post, 5 Books that Won’t Impress a Girl, with a list of books that won’t impress a boy.
5. Confessions of a Guidette – Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. Boys are not fans of celebrity memoirs. Besides, Jersey Shore kids are meant to be watched, not read. So let’s just hide that under the stack of Vanity Fairs, where it should be.
4. Eat, Love, Pray – Elizabeth Gilbert. Not only is this book unrealistic – she gets a book advance large enough to fund a year’s worth of travel and introspection – but we have to watch Julia Roberts in the movie adaptation.
3. A Room of One’s Own – Virginia Woolf. Yes, she is making a timely (written in 1928) and important point about women’s place in fiction, as writers, and the public sphere. But does she have to take so long to say it? I would like to see her and Hemmingway together for coffee.
2. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen. Girls read this because they all want a Mr. Darcy. Unfortunately, this puts too much pressure on us boys. The reality is: Colin Firth is not really Mr. Darcy, and most men are not good ballroom dancers. So, please stop asking us to take lessons.
1. Any Play by Shakespeare – Shakespeare. To be perfectly frank: we can barely understand a sonnet, let alone be able to memorize one and recite it to you under the next pale moon.